Our little man is here!

Well after a crazy day of thinking I was going to be getting discharged from the hospital to delivering our sweet boy so early we were all exhausted!! I finally got to meet him a couple of hrs after delivering him. I think I was in shock more then anything. Around 8 that night the nurses took me down to the nicu in my hospital bed where I was able to meet him and hold his hand. I was so nervous at first! I didn't know what to expect him to look like with him being born so early. To me he was beautiful. My little boy had so much blonde hair! The nurses were shocked by how much hair he had being a 26 weeker. At this point he was just having to wear an o2 mask for his oxygen but by the end of the night they had to intubate him. I remember looking at him thinking wow is he really mine? Is he really here and so small but living! To me it was a miracle that he came out crying! It gave us comfort and to me I knew his spirit was strong and special! It was so hard not to be able to hold him! I talked to him so much and tried holding his hand all the time or putting my hand on his back to let him know that mom was there with him right by his side. I have to be honest. The first few days of him being here I was somewhat distant. I was experiencing so many emotions. I was happy, I was scared, I was sad, I was nervous. Along with so many other feelings. I knew everything was different now. Of course it was our family of three just became four and Hudson was born soo early and in a different state.  I went down to the nursery several times the first three days of our little mans life. The  nurses told  Matt and I to talk to him and let him know his mom and dad were with him. I talked to him but sometimes didn't know if he really felt my presence.
I remember day 3 of the Nicu I had just came back to my room after sitting with Hudson for the morning. I sat on my couch in the hospital room and looked at life going on outside of the hospital. I was soo depressed. I called my mom and talked to her for awhile. In our conversation I told her "Mom I have to change my attitude. I have to be here for my son. He is mine and I have to be his biggest cheerleader!!!! He is counting on me mom. I know more then ever that he needs me to be positive for him and believe in miracles." After we hung up I sat and cried. I had distanced myself from my sweet precious boy because I was afraid of getting attached to him if he were to not make it.  After this day I put my fears in the back of my mind and was ready to be the mom my little man needed. I would be his biggest cheerleader and have faith in him no matter what!! I knew my son was a fighter and so were Matt and I!!!!!!!!

Day 4........ Change of plans

Yay!!! The day had arrived for me to pack up what I had at the hospital and finally leave! I was more then looking forward to getting out of there but most of all getting out of there still being pregnant with Hudson and him doing well! The morning had been pretty smooth. I knew I wouldn't be leaving until the afternoon anyways because the docs had to come in and ultrasound and check the fluid level around Hudson and also monitor him one last time before I would be cleared to go. That morning I took my time gathering things ups and putting them in my bag and soon enough the nurses had me on the monitors! They were having a hard time getting Hudson to stop being so wiggly and it didn't help that I was up using the restroom every 10-15 mins. As this continued over an hour I was sitting there and felt a gush of fluid. It made me pretty nervous so I called for the nurse. She seemed to think that it was nothing to worry about and it was just watery discharge. Not knowing any different I said ok and continued to be monitored. About 10 mins later the same thing happened. I called my mom and told her I had a feeling something wasn't right and I think my water had broke. She said she would be right there and I called my nurse again. As soon as my parents arrived, Matt right behind them, the doctors were there to do my ultrasound. I had explained what had been going on and by this time the monitors were picking up contractions. After checking me I was informed I was dialated to a 4 and that my membranes were in my vagnial canal which was a huge concern for infection. After checking me things got very chaotic and at this point I was feeling every contraction I was having. They called my doctor and he came in and had them put me back on Magnesium immediately to see if we could stop labor seeings that I was only 26 weeks along. He wanted to wait at least a half hr and see if the mag stopped labor. Within that half  hr we had the pediatric team come in and talk with us about what to expect with Hudson being born this early. I remember telling my doctor that Hudson was coming today I knew it. I was in so much pain and an emotional wreck. Matt and I sat and cried together. I had so many what ifs and whys going on in my head. We were terrified for our baby boy to come so early!!!! After a half hr was up and the mag was stopping nothing and I was in hard labor they rushed me off to the OR preparing for emergency c-section. I remember as they were getting IVs started and me ready to go I tried getting out of bed. It was like I was in shock and just wanted to get out of there.

After getting into the OR and getting my epidural I seemed to be a little more calm. It was comforting to have Matt in there with me this time holding my hand and being my support. I needed him with me more then ever. I remember listening to the docs and tech talk as they were doing the c-section. Listening to the instruments they were needing and being able to anticipate where they were at in the surgery because at one point I scrubbed c-sections. It was definitely different being on the other side. After what seemed forever Hudson was about to be delivered. We didn't know if he would come out and need to be resuscitated or if he would be crying. To our joy our sweet baby boy came out with a soft cry! It was so amazing to hear our 26 week baby come out crying. I knew he was a fighter but that made me realize it even more! I got to see him as they rushed him past me to take him to the NICU. Our baby boy, Hudson Matt Koyle was here. Born at 26 weeks gestation. He was born on May 20, 2014 at 4:00 pm and weighed 1 lb 13 oz and was a whole 13 inches long!!!!!

Our little man was 3 months early! This day was very bitter sweet! We so happy to meet our newest addition but we wished he would have stayed put longer!!

Magnesium, Bedrest, Long days!!

After surgery I was on magnesium for the next 48 hrs. Anyone who has been on mag knows its pretty much the worst experience ever. I couldn't get out of bed for two days. Because of that I had to have a catheter in place and Hudson and I were monitored very closely. They would do an ultrasound daily and put him on the monitor every couple of hrs. All I really remember of the those days on mag was not being able to see straight. My head felt so heavy I could barely lift it off the pillow. Most of all just being miserable. But this was all worth it for Hudson. He was always so active when he would be on the monitor. They wanted to do it for at least 20 mins but we usually ended up being on it a lot longer!!! They were mainly watching his heart rate and also if my uterus was contracting at all. I would have small ones through out the day but nothing worrisome. The four days after surgery seemed long. I was confined to a bed and basically the small hospital room. I was thankful to have my parents there with me who would come periodically throughout the days. Matt would come most days around 2 in the afternoon and stay til 5 so he could head into work for the night. I remember feeling so depressed because I missed home. I missed my little girl who was home wondering what was going on and not understanding why we weren't there with her. I felt lonely. A lot of the time I would sit on the couch by the window and watch life going on around me wondering what our future held with this strong little boy inside of me. All I could think about was how good it would be to get out of the hospital and at least be in a hotel passing time until I was cleared to go back home to Utah and be with all my loved ones again. I knew the road was going to be a long one ahead of us but I was ready to face it head on!!