Our little man is here!

Well after a crazy day of thinking I was going to be getting discharged from the hospital to delivering our sweet boy so early we were all exhausted!! I finally got to meet him a couple of hrs after delivering him. I think I was in shock more then anything. Around 8 that night the nurses took me down to the nicu in my hospital bed where I was able to meet him and hold his hand. I was so nervous at first! I didn't know what to expect him to look like with him being born so early. To me he was beautiful. My little boy had so much blonde hair! The nurses were shocked by how much hair he had being a 26 weeker. At this point he was just having to wear an o2 mask for his oxygen but by the end of the night they had to intubate him. I remember looking at him thinking wow is he really mine? Is he really here and so small but living! To me it was a miracle that he came out crying! It gave us comfort and to me I knew his spirit was strong and special! It was so hard not to be able to hold him! I talked to him so much and tried holding his hand all the time or putting my hand on his back to let him know that mom was there with him right by his side. I have to be honest. The first few days of him being here I was somewhat distant. I was experiencing so many emotions. I was happy, I was scared, I was sad, I was nervous. Along with so many other feelings. I knew everything was different now. Of course it was our family of three just became four and Hudson was born soo early and in a different state.  I went down to the nursery several times the first three days of our little mans life. The  nurses told  Matt and I to talk to him and let him know his mom and dad were with him. I talked to him but sometimes didn't know if he really felt my presence.
I remember day 3 of the Nicu I had just came back to my room after sitting with Hudson for the morning. I sat on my couch in the hospital room and looked at life going on outside of the hospital. I was soo depressed. I called my mom and talked to her for awhile. In our conversation I told her "Mom I have to change my attitude. I have to be here for my son. He is mine and I have to be his biggest cheerleader!!!! He is counting on me mom. I know more then ever that he needs me to be positive for him and believe in miracles." After we hung up I sat and cried. I had distanced myself from my sweet precious boy because I was afraid of getting attached to him if he were to not make it.  After this day I put my fears in the back of my mind and was ready to be the mom my little man needed. I would be his biggest cheerleader and have faith in him no matter what!! I knew my son was a fighter and so were Matt and I!!!!!!!!